Oriental Orientation

Even though it may no longer be politically correct to use the term "oriental" to describe our Far Eastern brethren, for the sake of art, I am reclaiming the word here in order to empower it so that the racists don't win (much like I often used the word "retarded" now simply to describe anything that is slowed down or impeded). Besides, in a matter of weeks, I shall be one of those Orientals, which means I am allowed to use the word. Many of you all already know that I shall be embarking on a great journey to the Republic of Korea where I will teach children the English language and the boundless possibilities and spiritual enrichment that come with such an education. Yea, I shall help these kids, much like Socrates, secrete their warm, sticky juices during class (their cerebrospinal fluid, you perverts).

My timing is impeccable, of course. The tensions between the Republic of Korea and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea could be cut with a knife. Nobody is sure how strong of a military presence they have in that region, or how good of a World Cup team they are. Probably the most frightening aspect of my timing is the impending release of StarCraft II, the sequel to the game that rocked Korean culture, and continues to do so, over a decade ago. I may not come out alive from the mobs of women cheering for their favorite cyberathletes. But one can't always wait for good timing in everything one does.

It is a difficult world we live in. We all graduated at the peak of the recession (okay, two months after bottom of the bottom, but still). The Class of 2010 have significantly more jobs than our class. The job market is so incredibly inflated, that employers can ask for ridiculous credentials for a $10-an-hour desk job. Thus, I have decided to turn my attention to other parts of the world. I learned that in the Republic of Korea, having a Bachelor's Degree in English makes you a top tier teaching candidate, at the same level as somebody with official Teaching English as a Foreign Language certificate and two years' teaching experience under one's belt. Who knew?

Do I know any Korean beyond the word "Annyong"? No. Will I learn? Hopefully.

I don't know how long I will be gone. The incentives start to kick in after a year. Much will depend upon how much of my debt is paid off, how much money I've saved, whether I've found another job, and the success of my television pilot on Spike TV. I will certainly keep everyone updated, as now I should actually have significant life experiences beyond sitting in a closet stealing internet. I won't promise that they will be any less plush or readable.